When Alone Time Isn’t Really Alone: A Mom’s Night Out

As a mom, moments of true solitude are rare and precious. So when my husband surprised me by taking our son out for some daddy-son time, I seized the opportunity to recharge. I decided to treat myself to a solo evening at my favorite local restaurant—a little ritual I used to love before motherhood. I pictured myself sitting at the bar, sipping a drink, scrolling on my phone, and just soaking in the quiet.

At first, everything went as planned. I found the perfect seat at the bar, nestled between two groups deep in their own conversations. I ordered my drink, relaxed, and started to unwind. But then, as soon as one group left, a stranger took the seat next to me and, despite my clear “I’m just here to chill” vibes, tried to strike up a conversation. I kept my answers short, hoping he’d get the hint, but he kept going, sharing way too much about his life for my tired brain to process.

Just when I thought I’d get my peace back, another person sat down and immediately started asking me for fitness advice. I tried to be polite but brief, because honestly, I was running on empty and just wanted to be left alone. It was a stark reminder of how hard it can be for moms to carve out true alone time, even when we make the effort.

Why Was This So Frustrating?

Expectations vs. Reality: I had a clear vision for my alone time, and reality just didn’t match. That disconnect can feel disappointing and even a little violating.

Social Exhaustion: I talk to people all day at work, so my energy is drained. Small talk or unwanted conversations feel extra taxing.

Boundary Crossing: Even though bars are social spaces, I was sending clear signals (on my phone, short answers) that I wanted to be left alone. People ignored those signals.

Empathy Fatigue: Both people wanted something from me—attention, advice, validation—when I had nothing left to give.

Self-Reflection: The woman’s self-deprecating comments hit a nerve because I’m working on that myself, which can feel extra draining.

What I Learned About Myself

• I’m self-aware. I know what I need to recharge, and I try to prioritize it.

• I’m considerate. I tried to politely disengage rather than being rude.

• I’m working on myself. I noticed the self-deprecating pattern, both in others and in myself.

• I’m not alone. Many people feel exactly this way, especially introverts or those with busy social and professional lives.

  
  

Reframing the Experience

• It’s okay to want alone time. Wanting to recharge solo isn’t antisocial—it’s healthy.

• It’s okay to set firmer boundaries. Next time, it’s okay to say, “I’m just here to unwind and catch up on some reading, but thanks!” Most people will respect that.

• It’s okay to leave. If the vibe isn’t right, I can always take my food to go or move to a quieter spot.

• I learned something. This was a reminder of what I value, and maybe a nudge to find new ways or places to get that solo time (parks, coffee shops, even just a walk).

Final Thoughts

My frustration was valid, and so is my need for solitude. Next time, maybe I’ll try a different spot, bring headphones, or just feel more confident in protecting my alone time. This experience was a reminder that sometimes the world doesn’t cooperate—but I’m still in control of my boundaries and my time.

If you’ve ever struggled to protect your alone time, I’d love to hear your story in the comments. How do you carve out space for yourself, and what helps you recharge? Let’s remind each other that it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize our own peace.