Between Partners and Pressure: Motherhood, marriage, and the hidden labor of healing while being in a relationship

Healing doesn’t pause when the day gets busy—and it doesn’t stop when our partners aren’t doing the same work.

My husband showed up at the gym unexpectedly—his commute had been a mess. He worked out separately, thankfully, because when he trains me, it can get intense. His “coaching” feels more like correcting. I already had a plan today, and honestly, I didn’t want to be handled. I wanted to be seen.

He only jumped in twice. That’s considered a win. But I wish it wasn’t. I wish being kind to me didn’t feel like an exception.

Afterward, I went for coffee with my friend and my son. My toddler was his usual joyful chaos, climbing, exploring, running toward anything curious. I’ve gotten pretty good at navigating public spaces with him. My friend, who doesn’t have kids yet, said she needs more practice. She meant it kindly—and she’s not wrong. I had no idea what I was doing at first either. But I went out anyway. I had to.

And maybe that’s the core of cycle-breaking: I do the hard thing without having all the tools because I know I need to learn. I mother in public. I mother through the mess. I mother through the silence I sometimes get from my partner.

I don’t get to heal alone, but I do carry a lot of the weight. And I carry it because I won’t let that weight fall on my son.